


Emotional Intimacy? Taako's Good Out Here

by Rose_Verte



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Mention of the other seven birds too, but not enough to merit tagging I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 17:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20439671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Verte/pseuds/Rose_Verte
Summary: Taako adjusts to his new life and new relationship, post Story and Song.There were still a few things unspoken between them. And the more they kept meeting up to have dinner, (or see a concert or whatever), make small talk, crack a few jokes, make out for like twenty minutes and then stare at each weirdly before one of them broke and called it a night...the bigger that gulf of unspoken shit got. Because first of all, the fact that they hadn’t slept together while initially only unfortunate was now, after almost two months, a Totally Weird Uncomfortable Thing that he didn’t feel capable of broaching with anything more serious than innuendo. But probably more significant... there was the other thing. The Thing that Kravitz had said to him that night. The Thing that he hadn’t said again. The Thing that Taako didn’t very much like saying to anyone. Yeah, that.





	Emotional Intimacy? Taako's Good Out Here

His big mistake, and the thing that was making everything so awkward, was probably not sleeping with Kravitz right away, the night after Story and Song. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t, except that Magnus and Lup were goofing on him for spending the first two hours of their “we saved reality, let’s trash the moon” party making out with his new boyfriend and then by the time he came up for air and made the rounds, Kravitz reluctantly admitted that he still had a lot of work to get done (cause like, despite their victory a _bunch_ of people had died) and would probably need to get going. Which...he could have easily countered with a “hey cool wanna hang out in my room for a minute before you go?” but that felt sort of...desperate somehow? So instead he smiled and muttered something along the lines of “no doubt, no doubt, catch you later” and ended with a really weird, half hearted arm punch. 

Thankfully Kravtiz, who had the good grace to look truly regretful about leaving, ignored that, pulled out a planner and made them sit down and pick a specific time and place when they would in fact, catch each other later. This seemed a little over the top anal at the time (“I’m going along with this, man, but I have to tell you that the fact that you have a day planner is kind of spoiling some of your sexy underworld mystique in my eyes.”) but it turned out to be more than necessary for that and several of their future dates. Moving out of the B.O.B. dorm and finding a place that was close enough to Barry and Lup that he could drop in whenever but far enough away to give them space would have been overwhelming enough, but brand management when you were suddenly one of the most famous people in all realities? Kind of a lot! If he hadn’t had date night with his spooky boyfriend to look forward to every week, he might have lost it. 

Except...you know. There were still a few things unspoken between them. And the more they kept meeting up to have dinner, (or see a concert or whatever), make small talk, crack a few jokes, make out for like twenty minutes and then stare at each weirdly before one of them broke and called it a night...the bigger that gulf of unspoken shit got. Because first of all, the fact that they hadn’t slept together while initially only unfortunate was now, after almost two months, a Totally Weird Uncomfortable Thing that he didn’t feel capable of broaching with anything more serious than innuendo. But probably more significant... there was the other thing. The Thing that Kravitz had said to him that night. The Thing that he hadn’t said again. The Thing that Taako didn’t very much like saying to anyone. Yeah, _that.___

_ __ _

_ __ _

When it came to I love you, Taako was always much more comfortable with show than tell. Lup was an exception to that rule, but just barely. In the 200+ years they’d spent watching each other's backs, Taako had learned that sometimes, if times were shitty enough, the only thing you could do to make things better was tell your sister you loved her but that most of the time, all you really had to do was to make her laugh or at least cook her something that tasted halfway decent, and the message got across. 

But Lup was one thing. With other people he was on less solid ground. With other people, once you verbally committed to caring about them there were _expectations_ and Taako hated expectations. Like, it was one thing to tear open reality and fucking pounce on the guy he was, at best, casually dating when he’d been torn open raw by a hundred years worth of revealations and was rebuilt to be more powerful and emotionally whole than he’d ever been. It was another to...actually try dating him. Because Taako may have been good a lot of things (like, a lot) but dating wasn’t one of them. 

He’d tried. He had. Only, he hadn't tried maybe as much as one might think an (essentially) immortal hottie who's self proclaimed main interests were lying and doing whatever the hell he wanted to would have. Once, late in their IPRE days, Lup had even asked him point blank if he’d given up on meeting anyone. “I mean, yeah, kinda? What are my options, really? I hate first dates. You know I do. And even if I...what's the endgame? Best case scenario is I find a dude I can actually stand and we save his world from being consumed and I still don't ever see him again after a year. Doesn't really seem worth the trouble.” And Lup snorted. “I mean, yeah, bro. I know that. I was just trying to suss out if you were still banging the locals, but good to hear you're super horny for commitment.” Which was a phrase he’d immediately requested she never use again lest she spoil his "cool guy image" and she didn't, although she did laugh about it, and that too, for like six hours afterwards. 

Dating Kravitz now, after everything he’d lived through, was great. He just wasn't sure at this point, now that the dust was settling in his life for the first time, what real relationship looked like for him. He was pretty sure he wanted more than two or three short little bright spots in a month. Not just because he was getting a little ansty at the lack of sex (although he was) but because it was nerve wracking enough to have to hear someone declare their love for you and then have them not say it again for two months and see you just frequently enough that you never knew if they had stopped saying it because they knew you weren't ready to hear it or if they decided, in hindsight, to maybe hold their horses on that particular sentiment.

And if he was being honest with himself about it (which, only sometimes) he wasn't sure which one of them was more responsible for the duration of their dates at this point. Like yes, Kravitz had started giving reasons to leave that were less believable than the typical grim reaper work weirdness, but Taako really did have a lot going on. No one, for instance, had told him to buy a wrecked four story house entirely in cash last month except that it looked super wizardy, he had more money than he’d ever remembered having in his life, he didn't like his new apartment very much and he knew that even if he couldn't do the restoration entirely by magic, it would certainly help. It was only after he told Kravitz over ice cream that Lup and Barry were helping him de-curse the attic in about an hour so he couldn't stay long that he even considered that buying property was maybe the kind of thing you were supposed to mention to your boyfriend before you did. But how the hell was he supposed to know? 

The whole thing finally came to a head one night when they visited a supposedly up and coming bistro (if your definition of up and coming was tired and derivative). He hadn’t been, he had to admit, quite in the going out mindset that day but thought he was covering up his mental funk pretty well until he realized that the waiter had asked for his drink order twice already. 

“Taako…” Kravitz hesitated before touching a cool hand to his. “You ok?”

Taako gave what he thought was his winningest smile. “Yeah, man. This wine list just sucks. You got any Redcheek, Garcon? Just uh, bring me a pint of that and keep these disgusting bread rolls coming, eh?” 

Kravitz's brow was furrowed and his eyes never left Taako's but he lifted up two fingers to indicate he'd take the same before their waiter scurried off into the kitchen, hissing Taako’s name with a panicked air. Though he was unimpressed by the establishment's offerings, Taako found himself hoping he'd make a hasty return. He was suddenly sure this wasn't going to be the kind of evening that was going to be impossible to get through without a drink in his hand. 

“Taako-” 

“What? You know the kind of tips I leave. He’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah, no, I...listen, you know if you're ever not into meeting up with me when we make a date, you don't have to, right?” 

Of course he knew that. The problem was that he knew himself and if he broke one date he would break the next one too and pretty soon, he would just start avoiding him altogether. And he didn't want to pull that shit with Kravitz. He liked Kravitz. He liked talking to him. He liked joking with him. He even liked being dragged to operas which turned out to clock in at an exhausting three and half hours with him because he liked the way Kravitz’s face lit up when he heard the first note. And he didn't mind that they weren't sleeping together yet, not really. But there were days, like this one, where everything just sucked and the task of having to be Boyfriend Taako, whoever the hell that was, was the worst. 

“Don't be ridiculous, babe.” He tried his headshot smile, now. It was the toothiest and therefore, usually the most effective in diffusing awkwardness. Unfortunately, Kravitz seemed to know him well enough at this point to not be that easily swayed. He looked, in fact, pretty fucking uncomfortable with it. 

“No...no, listen. I'm serious. If you...if the thought has ever crossed your mind that, you know, going out with me is...you know, a prerequisite for Lup and Barry’s continued-” 

“WHAT?!” 

The waiter, who had unfortunately chosen that moment to deliver their drinks and had not expected one of heroes of Faerun to be shrieking at his boyfriend in front of him just then, narrowly avoided spilling their drinks all over what looked like rather expensive silk. He stood, frozen in place, unsure of how to react next. This was a customer he couldn't afford to offend. 

There was a pause before Taako turned to him, fire in his eyes. 

“My man, I think you can tell we’re in the middle of a delicate fucking conversation so like...you wanna vahmoose?”

“I...uh... it's just your um. Your order?” 

“Are you kidding me? I…” Taako sighed, massaging his brows. “Just bring us whatever boring special you were rambling about when we came in. But like...take your time, ok?” 

They sat quietly for another moment as the waiter hurried off again. 

“I’m gonna hear about this on the Fantasy Food Blogs tomorrow. Terrorizing wait staff isn't exactly good brand maintenance.” 

“You could take the Disguise Self down. It might confuse him.” 

Taako lifted his head. “Kravitz. Darling. That's the second stupidest thing you’ve said all night.” 

Kravitz gave Taako one of his all too genuine gazes. “I like how you look, Taako.” 

“Yeah, well. You’d better. One of these days we'll hang out for more than four hours and I might slip up.” 

They shared a laugh then and it broke the tension, at least somewhat. What was the point of being two grown (like hundreds of years old) men going on dates chaster than a middle school prom if you couldn't laugh about it? 

“Look,” Taako took a hearty gulp of his drink before continuing “I’m not going to acknowledge the bonkers thing you just implied because it's insulting to both of us. But I'm sorry if I ever made you feel...like that. At all. I'm like stupid bad at this stuff. But that's a Taako thing. It's not a...disinterest in you thing. I swear.” 

Kravitz, Taako noticed, looked suddenly like a not-in significant amount of tension had left his body. Which, wasn't particularly reassuring since he hadn't realized he’d been so tense in the first place. Why was he like this? What was it in him that made him close himself off so thoroughly just when he really started wanting to open up to someone? Where was the Taako who stood on the portal kissing Kravitz like he’d never kissed anyone and...almost...told him he loved him back? Could he swap out for that guy? He’d fight the Hunger. That guy could have the relationship talk. 

“Okay, so maybe I’m just paranoid. I...I’m really not quite as suave in these situations as I’d like to think I am, either.”

“I’ll say. What was it two weeks ago? You had to get home to feed your cats?”

Kravitz blinked and then let out a guffaw. “Taako, for goodness...did you think I was lying? That I pretended to have pets to get out of spending the night with you?!”

He could feel his face heat up. “Well, I mean, where would you keep them?”

“The Astral Plane. They’re undead. It’s a long story. They’re really cute, though. I promise.

"...it just really seems like, if you had something as fucking strange as undead cats and you wanted to keep hanging out you would, I don't know, invite me over to see your fucking freaky undead cats."

"Oh, my- Taako, I’ve been trying to get clearance for you to cross over to the Astral Plane without getting flagged as a bounty again for a long time. Like a very long- It’s a lot of paperwork. Just...you don’t ever need to think that I’m coming up with excuses not to spend the night with you. That’s...really up there with bonkers ideas, ok? I’m _really busy_. Don’t read anything else into my actions other than that. That and I guess, a general maybe extra cautious air because I don’t want to fuck things up with you.” 

“...oh.” And for once, he really didn’t know what to say. “Uh. Cool.” He let his pinkie curl around Kravitz’s before taking another hearty swig of his drink.

Kravitz was grinning now and he could almost hate him for it if he didn’t actually, maybe, feel quite the opposite. “Well, now that that’s cleared up...can you let me in on what else is going on? Because you seem super off tonight.”

Taako’s stomach dropped. He had almost forgotten. “Well, thanks. Just what a guy wants to hear.”

“You know I don’t mean it like that. I just...look, I’m here if you want to talk about anything. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I’m...to be honest I was just kind of in a bad mood.” And he was going to leave it at that but when he looked up, and Kravitz was looking back at him with that annoyingly, stupidly, wonderfully genuine look in his eyes he just thought, well fine. Fuck it. 

“There’s this uh, thing Merle has been trying to organize and he got Magnus on board too, I guess. He’s the one who started calling it a Family Reunion (which is already right on the border of the kind of maudlin crap I can stand, but try telling that to a 250 pound widower who lives with two dogs and goldfish) and it’s gotten to the point where everyone can tell I’m the one putting it off. And it's like, I'm gonna go. Everyone knows I'm gonna fucking go. But...fantasy Christ, I’m just not at a point where I’m thrilled about standing under a banner and posing for another picture with Lucretia and I don’t know, am I really that huge of a dick for still feeling that way? I mean fucking...Davenport booked the space. Davenport. He could barely speak two months ago. No one talks about that. Not that I...I don’t particularly want to talk to him right now either if I’m being honest. Thinking about everything with him gives me the heebie jeebies. I don't know. It might be in my head. I just get the feeling that everyone is like...side eyeing my reluctance. Like it's a big fucking inconvenience. Typical Taako. Even Lup she...I don’t know. We had coffee earlier and I mentioned the not thrilled feeling and she hit me with a "as a lich I literally can’t indulge in long term resentment and if I’m being honest I think you’d feel a lot better if you forgave her." which now that I’m saying it, I realize is probably right in the wheelhouse of anyone who reaps souls for a living so let's just...just skip to that. I don't want to bring resentment into the next life. I get it. I shouldn't even have...just chalk this up to Taako is a jerk as usual, I don't know. Sorry.” 

He gulped down the rest of his drink and avoided Kravitz’s eyes. If he had money on how he was going to screw this one up, it definitely wouldn't have been on "Taako reveals too much about himself" but you know, there was a first time for everything. 

He felt Kravitz’s hand on his again. It was warm. 

“I wasn’t going to say that.” 

He looked up, cautiously. “No?”

“No. I mean. If you cross over without forgiving Lucretia, you will definitely regret it. But I’ve seen a lot of souls cross over, and they all regret something. That’s just how life is. If you’re not ready to do that...if you’re never ready to do that, that’s not something that’s fair to...expect of you. And I don’t mean that to...you know I have the greatest respect for your family. And they love you. I know they do. I just mean. From my perspective. If you want to hear it from someone. You don’t ever have to forgive her. It’s your life. No one else’s.” 

There was a feeling Taako had that day when he’d opened up the portal and saw Kravitz walk out. A feeling that was at once completely alien to him as it was safer and more familiar than anything he’d felt in years. And the farther he got from that day, the farther he felt from that feeling and that Taako, but right then, sitting in this restaurant, just for a moment he was there and he was him and it was like he was seeing Kravitz for the first time. 

“Kravitz, I-”

Plop! Two heaping bowls of beef stew were presented in front of them by their waiter who looked, if possible, more nervous than before. 

“Can I...get you gentlemen anything else?”

That was a good question. “Hey, Kravitz? Be honest with me for a minute...does this look appetizing to you?” 

“Uh-" 

“Now, don’t be coy. You’re dating Faerun’s premiere culinary superstar. You’re going to have to start having food opinions.” 

Kravitz’s smirk was only bit reluctant. “It looks...kinda rank, yeah.” 

The waiter sputtered something that at this point amounted to nothing more than background chatter as far as Taako was concerned.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. So it looks like right now we have two choices in terms of dinner. We can eat this absolute garbage and keep talking about all of the stuff we’ve apparently been widely misunderstanding in a bunch of our recent interactions, and you know that part isn’t so bad, I like talking to you, the food’s just uninspiring at the moment. OR you can come back to a house that although only barely liveable at this point does include a dope ass kitchen where I can whip you up something that, if I can toot my own horn, will make this crap look like...I don’t know. Toxic waste diarrhea? Sorry, I already called it garbage. I think I kind of lost my thread there but you get the gist.”

That grin was back. “I like that plan B.” 

Weirdly, he became aware of another knot in his stomach. “I mean, if you don’t have to like, supply your zombie cats with human flesh or whatever.”

“They eat cat food. And I..I actually took care of that. There’s...someone’s feeding them.”

“A little presumptuous. And who, pray tell, is supplying your little catpires with horse meat tonight in the off chance I was gonna invite you over?”

Kravitz hesitated. “Uh, well, funny thing…”

“Ohhhh, cool. Love that. Love hearing that my sister is involved in this. That’s not weird for me at all.” 

Kravitz raised his eyebrow with a smirk. “You don’t like your sister involved in whether or not you’re going to get laid? I can’t imagine why.”

“Yeah, ok. You...you get that I’m offering to cook for you because it’s the way I’m most comfortable expressing love, right? You understand that that's what's happening here, right?” 

It was possible, he thought momentarily, that the sight of Kravitz’s face after he said that would have been enough to really kill him for real this time, in a way that would stick and they wouldn’t have to worry about the Astral Plane paperwork. But somehow he made it through.

“Taako-"

“Alright, fine, twist my arm already.” He turned now to a waiter that was as embarrassed as he was nervous. “Hey, man, so thanks for the attentiveness but we're gonna cheese it. So I'll just-” He reached into his pocket and slapped a couple of rubies on the table. “Leave these here and I'm actually gonna need this uh baby’s first stew recipe or whatever the hell it is in a doggie bag cause I’m now thinking I’m not gonna be up to cooking anything elaborate tonight due some upcoming plans to bone down with my boyfriend.” He winked at Kravitz as the astonished waiter probably scampered away nervously for a third time but as far as Taako knew or cared, may well have died or something. “I’ll make you breakfast.” 

“I love you too, Taako.”

“Yeah, man. I know you do. But you could say it like 80% more often.” He paused before adding “And I'll try to say it, you know, at all.” 

That smile again. “Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> -I really, really hope that nobody takes Taako's feelings about Lucretia in that moment as the author's feelings about Lucretia. It was very much just meant to represent his point of view. Or, for that matter, Taako's interpretation about his family's expectations for him right then because again, that's just how things are feeling for him at the moment. 
> 
> -I also know that the idea that Kravitz and Taako weren't seriously dating off-screen and probably already sleeping together by Story and Song is pretty bonkers in and of itself but by the time I realized that I was pretty far into this fic so I hope you were able to suspend your disbelief a little bit there. 
> 
> -Since I made notes already, thank you for reading! It means a lot!


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